ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
