if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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