At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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