Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
