i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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