three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
