she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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