im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
