See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
