got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
