I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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