"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
