someone owes me an orgasm
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My feet surprised me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
