i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
