His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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