Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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