im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
