Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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