we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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