please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
