he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
