my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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