Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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