my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
