Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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