Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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