no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
birth control should be required to get into college
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
