you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
