i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
pray to the hookup gods
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
