just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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