I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Say something about gay babies.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
