she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
