so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
