my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
