new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
