the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
