i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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