there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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