I met the friendliest cop last night
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
