Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We need to get me chipped asap
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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