And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
