I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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