you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
