I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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