Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
