Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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