thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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