Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
