Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
