so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The adults are the big ones right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
