Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
