Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
