Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Small penises have feelings too.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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