wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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