that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize