Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
