Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Panties = found
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
