my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
