The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
