Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
