I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
