somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
