someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
