Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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