I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
